the Big Sister Freak Out



The weekend before our tiny one was born, we tried to plan our days just like every other weekend.  We always start with Friday night pizza and movie night.  This particular week, sister was a little off.  She had stomach aches, whining, and so many tears.   My immediate worry was “what if she’s sick!! We are having a baby in 2 days!!   We’ve planned everything  and not once thought about being sick!!”  The next thought: “what if I get sick, will they let me have surgery anyway? Surely I’m not the first pregnant woman with a cold!  WAIT what if husband gets sick!!?!?” (he the most important part of baby week. Without him, the entire thing unravels and I lie in a bed and cry)

Dad: “Is something bothering you?”

Sister: hiding her now tearing eyes and whispering “I’m nervous about being a big sister.”

Dad: “That’s ok.. I’m nervous about having 3 babies”

Sister: “But Dad, you are good at being a dad, but I don’t know how to be a big sister, I only know how to be a little sister!”

Then the uncontrollable tears started.  The girl had the hiccups, and the not breathing and the snotting.  It was one of those girl cries that reaches into your soul and you just can’t make it stop.  (ladies, I’m certain you can relate)  It all culminated with a giant stomach emptying mess.  also known as cry induced  puke.

After a nice long warm shower, the tears subsided.  She camped out in a giant mommy sized robe in front of the space heater.  Suddenly, I overhear this sweet, sensitive, loving child of mine say: “Thank you God for giving me all the hot water for my shower, just to make me feel better.”  Her gratitude is always humbling.

A little book time and all seemed ok.  I can totally sympathize with the pressure of being a big sister. It’s a lot for a girl to handle.   Months later I can tell you she’s a great big sister, loving, generous, and over attentive.  If only I attacked each event in my life with such desire for perfection.

One thought on “the Big Sister Freak Out

  1. “desire for perfection”… I love that! How many time I’ve approached my own anxiety through the lens of deficiency (“I can’t do this / don’t have what it takes”) or an excessive concern about what others may think. How much better to view that inevitable feeling in the gut as a “desire” purely for desire’s sake. How much easier as well to embrace and celebrate the success that comes next!

    Thanks (as always) for sharing your stories, thoughts and perspectives.


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