I am CEO of little people. I give instant feedback on their behavior, their work ethic, their social etiquette, their dinner skills, and their potty time. I am a chauffeur and an art teacher, a home decorator, a bedtime guru and a cook. Add to this list an million other expectations and skills, and lack there of, and I accumulate a lot of HR worthy moments. If I were a real CEO (you know, the kind that makes actual money) the following statements would go directly to HR for review. In my house, they are followed by a giggle, an eye roll, a little time out and most likely a post or 2.
Other people should NEVER see you naked. In our house naked children are such a commonplace occurrence, that often the little people just forget they aren’t wearing clothes, or at least that’s what I hope is the truth.
It’s not healthy for other people to suck on your nose. Today I said this twice.
Q: Why is every pair of your underwear wet and in the middle of the room? A: Because I wanted to wash my clothes like an old person.
Why is your toothbrush floating in the toilet? Our toddler has a serious toothbrush addiction.
In our house we bath alone. Does Barbie really need 7 friends in the bathtub with her? That. is. all.
Please stop kissing my feet. 1. Because it feels weird. 2. Because I’m trying to walk.
Q: Why is there underwear hanging from the ceiling fan? A: I wanted to see if they worked as a slingshot.
Q: Who took apart the tape measure and put it together with duck tape? A: I just wanted to see how long it was, all the way out, and I couldn’t get it back in.
I think it’s time we have some rules about kissing. This happened after she kissed the neighbor’s cat (and my feet).
It’s “Jungle boogie” not “Chocolate boogie.” And a million other incorrect song lyrics.
Q: Is there someone in the closet moo-ing? A: We locked Big Sis in there and she’s pretending to be in a barn.
So you can open child proof medicine bottles, but not your own Go-gurt? Kids are amazing at doing the impossible, as long as it is sure to injure themselves or someone else. But to actually accomplish something useful, they are helpless.
Five For Flying 