I am CEO of little people. I give instant feedback on their behavior, their work ethic, their social etiquette, their dinner skills, and their potty time. I am a chauffeur and an art teacher, a home decorator, a bedtime guru and a cook. Add to this list an million other expectations and skills, and lack there of, and I accumulate a lot of HR worthy moments. If I were a real CEO (you know, the kind that makes actual money) the following statements would go directly to HR for review. In my house, they are followed by a giggle, an eye roll, a little time out and most likely a post or 2.
Other people should NEVER see you naked. In our house naked children are such a commonplace occurrence, that often the little people just forget they aren’t wearing clothes, or at least that’s what I hope is the truth.
It’s not healthy for other people to suck on your nose. Today I said this twice.
Q: Why is every pair of your underwear wet and in the middle of the room? A: Because I wanted to wash my clothes like an old person.
Why is your toothbrush floating in the toilet? Our toddler has a serious toothbrush addiction.
In our house we bath alone. Does Barbie really need 7 friends in the bathtub with her? That. is. all.
Please stop kissing my feet. 1. Because it feels weird. 2. Because I’m trying to walk.
Q: Why is there underwear hanging from the ceiling fan? A: I wanted to see if they worked as a slingshot.
Q: Who took apart the tape measure and put it together with duck tape? A: I just wanted to see how long it was, all the way out, and I couldn’t get it back in.
I think it’s time we have some rules about kissing. This happened after she kissed the neighbor’s cat (and my feet).
It’s “Jungle boogie” not “Chocolate boogie.” And a million other incorrect song lyrics.
Q: Is there someone in the closet moo-ing? A: We locked Big Sis in there and she’s pretending to be in a barn.
So you can open child proof medicine bottles, but not your own Go-gurt? Kids are amazing at doing the impossible, as long as it is sure to injure themselves or someone else. But to actually accomplish something useful, they are helpless.