A Father’s Day Confession

family photo

Believe it or not – I have a weakness.  I am TERRIBLE at letting people know genuinely how amazing, wonderful, beautiful, gifted, etc. they really are.  Sure, I’m great with the little things.  “You are my hero!”  “you did an amazing job at ______”  “you rock….”  “wow, you are great…”   I think I’m truly gifted at the generic grateful recognition of people in my life who do nice things.  But I’m TERRIBLE at the big things, the really big things.  The things that are uncomfortable like telling friends how much I truly value their friendship or telling my children that they really make my heart happy just being alive.  That’s where I sit this Fathers Day – I have so much I wish to genuinely tell my sweet husband but instead I hide behind the generic.

“You are a great dad.” seems way to generic for the man who changed my world in the most amazing way possible. The man who picked me for his FOREVER!  Who loves me more than I can even imagine and makes sure I know it each and every day.

A new briefcase (his very deserved and super needed gift this year) hardly seems to say “Thank You” for working so incredibly hard so I can stay home and care for our family.  Nor does it say “I understand how much you agonize over working late or working weekends, and I thank you for wanting to be with us, even when you can’t.”

A funny “Today you can play golf all day” card doesn’t really describe how sacrificial he is of the time he’s home.  My sweet husband has no vices, nothing that takes him away from us.  When he’s not working he’s home navigating the insanity of family life and listening quietly and attentively to the never ending ramblings of all his girls while playing games with the boy.  Sure he could take the day and play golf, go to the shooting range, or whatever he wishes to do but he always choses us.  How do I tell him how much that means?

A homemade breakfast barely scratches the surface of what I really want to say. “Thank you for making family dinner a priority.”  Thank you for walking in the door every single day and devoting yourself to our family around the dinner table.  Thank you for your patience with the spilled milk, the forgotten manners, the over excited story telling and the constant interruptions.  Your presence makes me fall desperately in love with you every evening.

That store bought Father’s day cake which was rainbow colored with sprinkles on top,was obviously not what you would have chosen.  Thank you for indulging your daughter in her love for all things celebratory.  Thank you for smiling at her party attire and her excitement for the party, even when there isn’t one.

So, I will do that – that very little nothing, that in my heart meant so very much of something but from the outside really appeared to be a whole lot of nothing.

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